Well it has been a while since I’ve uploaded this blog that I so eagerly started. Thank you to my cousin Morgan who has encouraged me to get going and update it!
I spent the month of August back in the US with my friends and family. Attended two weddings, traveled to Minneapolis for a yoga teacher training with Seane Corne, then drove to Chicago to have a reunion with my college girlfriends. Stephane flew into Chicago and met friends and we traveled through Wisconsin meeting family on both my mom’s and dad’s side. Was a wonderful trip and I feel so blessed to have such an amazing group of friends and such a supportive, fun, loving family.
Stephane and I flew back to Quebec on September 4 (I left Aug 4 for the States) so thus today really only makes it my 23rd day actually living in Quebec City. But it feels much longer than that as I would say I’ve gone through some pretty big hoops already.
The difference between the time before I left for the US and the time after is Stephane started work in September. In July it was vacation time and I was enjoying life here having Stephane around all the time.
Things changed once he went back to work.
All of a sudden, I am here, alone, with me, myself, and I. Sure I had goals - lots of yoga homework to complete before departure, baking, starting to study some French, working on my own yoga practice, reading, etc. But something in me made it so hard to do any of that. I was incredibly anxious, and my heart felt like a load of bricks.
My mind started going. Here I was in a French speaking country, not knowing the language. I wasn’t working. I wasn’t earning money. I moved for a man that actually during the week I won’t see much. So I’m alone - a lot. And I don’t know anyone. And I sure can’t hop on the tube and go to an English speaking yoga class among people from all over the world. I started wondering did I make the wrong decision. I love Stephane with all my heart, but when he is away I need to be happy. I need to have friends, family, a language I know. I felt so alone and so confused and so helpless.
That first week was very tough. And maybe I had to go through it. Stephane was very supportive. He asked me ‘Please be patient’. We talked about how I can try out yoga classes even if in French, I can walk around the city center, I can go to the gym on base, and check out the family center on base for French lessons and maybe volunteering to teach yoga.
So here I am now, getting ready to have a sushi dinner with Stephane, during the second week he’s been at work. I feel calm, I feel at ease. I made it to a yoga class. It was different, in French, but the teacher helped me out and it was great. I stopped at the family center and will begin French lessons either in November when I’m back or in January. I made it to the gym twice this week and I’ve had great yoga practices on my own in my yoga room upstairs. I’ve baked 6 apple walnut breads for family and made loads of apple sauce. The leaves are changing and it feels and smells like Fall, my favorite season.
I am wondering and seriously trying to uncover why I felt so anxious last week. In my yoga practice we constantly talk about how our own happiness is found within. External “things” should not provide you with happiness. It is all there, you just need to know how to tap into it. Quiet the mind, meditate, find inner peace. Last week, however, it wasn’t that easy. I thought I was stronger than that.
But I went through it. And I’m coming out stronger. I’ve lived now in 4 countries in the past 3 years. Change is inevitable. And that is what life is all about. Before you know it, you’ve closed one chapter and started another. Who knows how long we’ll be in Quebec (by the looks of it only until next summer) but that doesn’t matter. Right now, all I have is today, this moment, and so why not soak it all up, take it all in, and be absolutely at peace.